How To Balance Parenting After Getting Another Baby
Most parents end up suffering from parenting guilt unknowingly due to them slowly adjusting whenever another baby comes into the picture resulting to one or other kids feeling uninvolved or neglected.
A social media mother recently posted on her Instagram page how she felt so guilty when her five year old first born son asked her if she stopped loving him after getting another baby and she realized that she had directed all her attention to the new born baby and had limited time for her other child.
She posted, ‘’Mum’s how do you handle balancing the love when you get another kid and all your energy and attention is on the new born yet to have other kids looking up to you and expecting the same attention and energy their direction? My son just asked me why I stopped loving him after baby number two came home and that has broke my hurt and made me feel so guilty.’’
While she is not the only parent who feel the same, there are couples who struggle to rekindle things between them as soon as they start having kids as all the attention is directed to the kids that sometimes they hardly spend alone quality time together without the kids.
Parenting Coach Keisha Michelle explains that parent guilt is a real thing that has caused a rift among couples and also between children and their parents.
‘’You’ll find in some instances the child hating their younger sibling because they feel that he or she was the reason they stopped being loved or having time with mum and dad or one parent so over involved with a child that they forget the partner and mostly it’s the mothers who do this.’’ Explains Keisha Michelle.
It is very easy though to find balance and ensure that everyone gets to enjoy together and more importantly also have time for yourself as the parent since you can’t pour from an empty cup. So, how can parents do that?
- Schedule time.
Being a parent means sacrificing every little thing you can give for the joy of your children. If you have a new born baby, it is important to wake up a bit early and help the other kids prepare for school or take breakfast with them. Your call is to ensure that much does not change after a new baby because it destabilizes the other kids.
Take time to sit with them for a few hours after they come back home, help them with their homework, find out how their day was, what happened to them and have dinner with them.
This can only be effective with a schedule time where you know what time is to be spent with who and how.
- Ask for support
Anyone with a new born baby in the house requires support emotionally, physically, spiritually and at times financially f they are unable to raise the child by themselves. This support can come from close family members like the husband, parents, siblings and in some instances their own grown kids.
It is important to start preparing your other kids by telling them about the new born baby on the way and what will be required of them. That way, they will be very supportive in playing and just staying with their baby sibling.
Couples should also support each other, meaning, if one person is busy taking care of the baby, the other significant other can help prepare the kids for school, show up at their school functions and take them out for walks and rides.
- Prioritize your rest.
Most parents, mothers to be precise, usually drain themselves to the latter and this is based on their nurturing nature that see them give and out give.
Sometimes, after a day of activities with a new born baby, the only thing you need is rest so that you can be able to take care of everyone else. There should be no guilt is asking for time to get some rest.
You can explain to your kids to give you an hour or two to get some rest and even tell them to watch over the baby so that when you wake up, you have good energy to listen to their stories, play with them and even prepare something for them to eat.
Most mothers do not feel like they deserve to rest but they do, it’s only after taking care of yourself that you have the energy to take care of others.
- Plan quality time with your partner.
Most marriages start drifting apart when babies start coming into the picture. At the end of the day, your husband deserves the time and love he was getting before the kid came in the picture.
Now while everyone tends to adjust with the baby in the picture, it is important that you should not ignore your time with your husband. Let the talking, sex, affection, communication keep going on as this will bring you even closer as you parent your children.
- Seek help
There is no shame is asking for help. Sometimes things can weigh people down and so asking for help to get a nanny or a regular baby sitter is not a bad idea.
This can help give you time and space to also work on your personal goals, spend time with your other kids and and still be on the lookout for your new born child just in case there is an emergency.
You can have a baby sitter in the house with you whose work is entirely dedicated to the baby.
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